‘Every office comprises one douche that nobody frikkin likes’ – Mike Sharman
Yesterday started off pretty menacingly. The atmosphere had been flaking the cold white stuff all over the show and I nearly lost a few digits to frostbite after the impromptu snowball showdown that I had with Hobbo in the middle of the street.
Our aim was to build a ginormous snow penis to greet the children of the suburb, as opposed to the stereotypical yawn-invoking snowman, and for me to have the day off.
London Transport has trouble operating trains through heavy white stuff and as per my Facebook status, ‘I was hoping for a snow day : ‘working from home’ under a duvet, watching a bit of crickey, but sadly the fantasy was squashed when the bosslady arrived at my front door with her snow tyres on…’
It was #NI (Not Ideal), but at least I had respite from sardining myself with the poor people on public transport for a day and I felt like a pimp with the CEO chauffeuring me through west London. This, however, was little consolation for having to spend the cold, dark, day with ‘The Colleague’.
‘The Colleague’ is the person that nobody frikkin likes. If talking was a cellphone package, it would have the one with unlimited text/sms and about 6,000 anytime minutes. You can’t fucken shut it up. It’s an eye specialist: I did this, I’m better than you at that, I once made a YouTube video that had more hits than Susan Boyle’s Britain’s Got Talent audition.
‘Shut.The.Fuck.Up! Nobody cares what your godson ate for breakfast. It’s people like this who give the kind of work I do, a bad name. When I tell people I work in PR, they either question my sexuality or ask if I picked my career out of a cereal box.
PR is not seen as a cool profession. It’s not synonymous with doing body shots of cocaine off the secretary’s washboard stomach while coming up with creative ideas – it is seen as a a load of bullshit.
In the past it’s been quite easy for these charlatans to hide within teams while they conduct flattery fornication with the powers-that-be to ensure job security, while their mouths continue to spew utter crud. However, God is good and invented things like the internet and social media so that we could blacken their names and spit on their Facebook pages.
(*rant MORE*) Ahh, much better. Thanks for listening guys. Feel free to post your experiences with your ‘The Colleague’ who has made a fuckshow of your place of work, in the comments. Hell, forward the above post to relevant perpetrators, make sure to attach the below image and lets drive these douchebags out of town…
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