England thrives on mediocrity – from the weather to Gordon Brown – its a place where you can be pale, pasty and on the cusp of morbid obesity, without a care in the world.
Every time I see a femme-fatty putting unnecessary physical strain on the streets of London, one word comes to mind – GUNT. Our Kiwi mate, Struan, introduced me to this gem of a noun. It’s literally the fusion of two words and describes how one’s GUT has morphed with one’s GINE to create a landmass to rival Pangaea. Gunt, Gunt, Gunt!
In most progressive cultures, these ‘heart attacks on legs’ would be mocked, teased, discouraged from shovelling additional calories down their oesophagus, and have the suggestion of stomach stapling thrown into the mix. However, England is too PC for such niceties. Being a fat lazy fuck comes too easily, especially with the promise of the dole and riveting daytime television to keep you and your third ass enthralled.
You know society is in trouble when being the smelly chubster is in the upper echelons of coolness. I blame darts for this phenomenon. Darts isn’t even a real sport. It’s an excuse to get slammed at a pub and throw miniature spears at a wall, or, eachother.
Darts gets more TV coverage in the UK than sports that actually require you to perform physical exercise – even football soccer. Darts chuckers are the celebrities of middle England, and the worst part of all of this, is that they think they are worthy enough to bestow rad nicknames upon themselves.
Manny Pacquiao deserves a bad ass name like Pac-man because he’s a lean, mean fighting machine who smashes people in the FACE for a living. Phil Taylor, however, deserves to get off his lazy ass and jog around the block. And, while he’s at it, he should take the quarter of all 2-15 year old obese pom brats with him. pfft!
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