‘Weapon of choice’ Chooseday: Anteater vs Mean Mr Mushroom

I went away with my gay mates this weekend – we went kamping.  It was a fairly balanced mix of homos, heteros and trisexuals (they’d try anything).

The best thing about roadtrips with batty boys is that they ‘don’t do average’, so there’s no fucken around with bread and water. The food is French and unpronounceable, the beds are handwoven with Moroccan mohair, and the showers elegantly sculpted from Italian luxury – complete with power-jets that caress only the best parts of the B,S&C.

This is how not to do average!

The wine flowed continuously for three days, we Heidied our hearts out on green hills of Arundel and jammed with the inbred locals at night. But when we wanted a bit of downtime, we resorted to the good ol Saffa tradition of ’30 Seconds’. The awesomeness of this boardgame deserves its own post, so more of that later…

Anyhoo, somehow we got onto the subject of penises, and what ensued was a healthy mass debate on cockstylin’. This brings us to ‘Weapon of choice’ Chooseday (dont hate me because I posted this on a Wednesday) – a feature where I bring you my uneducated thoughts on contrasting issues such as bathing versus showering and tight asses versus titties. It’s progressive and minds could potentially be blown; true story!

Anteater vs Mean Mr. Mushroom

Penises are pretty siff looking things, no matter how they’re packaged. I’m quite chuffed with the way mine turned out, though, (must be the manscaping) and I have even had the occasional compliment after Harry has tonsil tunnelled  his way into a laydee mouth.

If this is your first time here, I’ll set the record straight – I’m packing an anteater. Don’t be frightened laydeez, embrace it! The problem with not being circumcised is that girls don’t always know how to approach the situation. They are very particular about guys being rough with their wizards’ sleeves but the same criteria holds true for the hooded snake. Don’t yank the poor fucker, ease into your strokes like an Olympic rower.

Anteaters are your friend – they like to be petted, stroked, and gently kissed on their foreheads. Forget what the media has told you about them not being clean, smelling or being generally funky. If they are looked after, they have the potential to deliver some exceptional results.

I’ve heard that molten mushrooms grow quite well in the dark. Like anteaters, they find refuge in dark warm holes. It assists with their growth (It’s an interesting fact that Mario of the Mario bros. franchise is in fact circumcised – why else would he get so excited when you captured his mushroom?) That’s the breadth of my mushroom knowledge.

Anteaters are an endangered species and I think it is my philanthropic duty to get mine out as much as humanly possible to ensure that public perception of these lovable creatures continues to improve.

What are your thoughts laydeez?

Erm, I think there's something wrong with your mushroom!

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  • Fifi on Feb 10th 2010 at 08:15

    I reckon I have to vote mushroom. Mainly because less can go wrong and I’ve had more experience with them as opposed to anteaters. But I’m not too fussed as long as there’s not loads of foreskin…

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