Thailand is a bad place :) It contradicts everything that formal, Western education attempted to instill upon you since you were six years old. Because here, it *is* acceptable to do sweet Fuck all …

… and pay for sex, of course!

I could quite happily disappear from all responsibility and beach-bum the remainder of my existence; hopping between islands, impressing drunk tourists with fire stick shows, having feeble attempts at facial hair growth, and ridding my body of its remaining plots of pastiness.

Paradise is stocked with surplus buckets of Red Bull / vodka and is a universe away from Carte Blanche music and #Sundaypression.

UK Health & Safety would lose its shit if it was to witness the daily hedonistic rituals – helmetless, shirtless, reckless motorbiking; Magic Mushroom shakes and users tripping their tits off; and unsupervised flaming limbo/skipping rope sessions where drunk, uncultured tourists are temporarily tatooed with a burn that spells ‘fuckhead’.

I only have three days left in this heavenly heathen place. I’m on the hunt for a thai masseuse to ship back to SA so I posted the following ad in the local newspaper:

WANTED:

Exotic Thai ladygirl to massage me at my desk whilst I’m replying to stressful emails, walk lengths of my back on Friday afternoons to mentally prepare me for the weekend, and celebratory ‘happy endings’ to complement new business wins…

Wish me luck
X

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