‘The most economical way to rock out with your cock out, is to win competitions and hit up events for free’ – Dr Ovious Lea

I didn’t have to put too much thought into my weekend plans. Dressing like a knob-goblin during the World Cup ensured I was able to enter and subsequently win a VIP experience to the Springboks / All Blacks Test at Soccer City, courtesy of Sho’t Left. Free pap and drink was always going to make the Boks’ loss, infinitely better.

Morphsuit dance

The Springboks got shit on our pre-match warm up

I was feeling slightly Nelly Retardo after being subjected to an EpicFierce bender courtesy of the character known as SexyBitch (self-titled) on Friday night. We warmed up with some Gary the Toothfairy at Gold Reef City’s Lyric Theatre, which showcased the phenomenal clown talents of Bevan Cullinan, and direction by Rob van Vuuren. Thanks to Nic Harry at SA Rocks for the comps, yo!

For the record, Gary is a better aphrodisiac than oysters.

Gary is 'Toothfairy' for S-E-X

SexyBitch proceeded to get me well-smashed after this, at several venues throughout Greenside. I submitted my application for the position of Small-spoon Extraordinaire, however it was rejected 😉

Needless to say, Saturday morning didn’t exactly start off in a ‘daisies and crumpets’ sort of manner. I rendezvous’d with the colourful cocktonsils above, and headed off on a tour to Soweto thanks to the V-unit (our chaperone). Considering the VIP treatment we received, it’s only fair we punt Sho’t Left’s facebook page. Go ahead. Click on it. Like it. Taste it. Enjoy it. You’re welcome!

Sho’t Left is about making the most of SA and all of its awesomeness. If you live too long in a city, you will naturally take it for granted and become quite short-sighted with regards to its potential. Having been in London for two years, I have been re-introduced to wonders of Joziwood and all of the radness that sweats from its existence. Don’t be a whiny douche and complain about your city. Be spontaneous. Take a roadtrip. Ask Sho’t Left for some recommendations.

It was fascinating seeing so many unarmed white people in Soweto. However, I don’t think the locals were too chuffed, considering beer prices were once again upped for the special occasion.

Seriously though, it’s so awesome seeing South Africans making an effort to learn about the different cultures that make up the little calabash of our EpicFierce country. Keep up the good work folks. Good times. Great weekend! Fuck, I love South Africa!

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