The Sharmanator

Moandays are distinctly average and they need to be cussed. Hard.

No one swears like Samuel L. so plug in your earphones and learn from the master.

NSF(mf)W!

That’s what I’m motherfucking talking about!

Jozifest is next week, so to get you loose and in the mood, there’s a lil pre party going down tonight-ah!

But, that’s not all, I’m giving you the chance to win tickets to tonight’s gig. Tweet me @mikesharman your best pic of #Jozi and three of you will win double tickets (2) to Town Hall this very evening. And. GO!

There is nothing better than an awesome parody. This one needs little introduction

And for all of you ranga’s out there who want to learn the lyrics for your next ginger gathering. Get on it:

[INTRO]
Check it. I represent those freckled and copper
In our race, we got these red-coloured rings
Darks, lights, scarlets
Gingers, amaranths, roses, burnt hues, cardinals
I’m like… all the sunburn stings
All those red alleles
Topped into one hairstyle

[CHORUS]
My-y-y… my skin is ultra-white
I need sun protection from the UV light
Aye, aye, aye… I am the Scottish type
Anaemic complexion, need sun protection

[VERSE 1]
I’m a ginger, son
My hair is like a flickering flame, I feel pain being in the sun
I hate sunlight, cuts me shining like a knife
(I’m a ginger… shunned!)
Like Bozo the Clown, I’m never brown – wear a shirt in the bath
Gotta stay in the shade, sunrays are harsh
No melato-nin, pale as The O-men
Co-nan!
I aint got a soul, skin is full of mel-ano-ma!
Spot fire, crotch pyre of carc-ino-ma!
I’m a hot chilli pepper with this blazing red
God dammit, at least you don’t live with Ronald Weasley’s head
Slip Slop Slap, rolling on more…
S-P-F
Hereditary, recessive genes fleck my flesh
My doctor might check my freckled specks
Hair is scarlet as blush, I ate too much crust
Curls starting to rust
Got fiery chro-mo-somes
Rosiest hormones, I’m saucier than to-ma-toes
Such harmfulness from sunburn blisters, don a hat
I’m flaming as Van Gogh
My Cherry is Ripe
I’m Orphan Annie, a raggy doll
I don’t pass for no strawb’rry blonde
I’m fi-i-i-irecrotch for life, yo
I’m a ginger

[CHORUS]
My-y-y my skin is ultra-white
I need sun protection from the UV light
Aye, aye, aye. I am the Scottish type
Anaemic complexion, need sun protection
My-y-y my skin is ultra-white
I see no reflection, like I’m from Twilight
I-I-I find candles far too bright
Allergic reaction to light refraction

[VERSE 2]
Gingerkid jokes? Cruel
I’m called Chuckie and ranga, swim in no pool
White as chalk, with fiery locks
Call the firetruck… I’m not Blue!
As I bake, flake, ache
Sunburnt til my arms are fried
Fanta pants, a pure
Caucasian and daywalker
Gingers stay indoor
We’re not like people from that Jersey Shore
Need more sunblock or we get hot and charred raw
I’ll get no child as a sperm clinic donor
Hiding from the break of dawn
Thriving in the cool of night
I can’t tan without catching alight

I’m sanguine, see
We navigate the shade of fences, gates and trees
Every purchase I make so ‘shadily’
I’m Anne of Green Gables
Pippi Longstocking, reddish, with Hermione Granger

Ginger, my bangs
Totally white flesh
Failing math… can’t do trig with no Tan
My Spice Girl suit is slutty
Redder than the wig on Roxanne
Just need a temp’rate zone, suncream and a fan
Guys-mocking-my-chalk-skin?
I’m a ginger

[CHORUS]

[BLACKOUT]
Gosh, this is like,
The least I’ve stung or felt burnt in my whole life
Stuck in a box of Redheads… hey don’t shake it!
No more dyeing or mousses
This place has got no sun
You can’t see I’m a freckled sideshow
Can’t look at me now!
Holed up in this box instead
No light!
I’m housed inside!
No more blisters
Enter the ginger
We so recessive
Keep your sun deck
I’m safe from cancer
I like shade…

[CHORUS]

Thanks for the link Yat

Not in the sexual kinda way. We all know Ellen is a rainbow flag waving lezzer, and proud of it. I’m even more proud of her because she gets to touch Portia de Rossi, inappropriately – highest five!

Anyhoo, a few months ago, Ellen flew 8 year old Sophia Grace across the pond to her studios after discovering her gangsta rap magic and Nicki Minaj, Super Bass impersonations of awesomeness on YouTube. Sophia was introduced to Nicki, and proceeded to lose her tweenage mind.You will die of ‘awwww’ when you watch the below.

Local musicians, Lonehill Estate, have used Sophia Grace as their muse to create some magic that will surely catch Ellen’s Jap eye. Although hairy-chested, grown men in pink tutus, is more likely to get the guys added to a paedo registry than the Ellen guestlist, I’m hoping Ellen Degeneres Google Alerts herself and stumbles upon these crah-crah, fun dudes, who don’t need a pale blonde with a bad  bowl fringe, eating human hearts to increase viewership of their YouTube channel

Good times. Look out for the boychays in next month’s Marie Claire Naked Issue. It’s gonna be like seeing 3 babies’ arms holding an apple, each. I warned you

Laydeez, not a day goes by without you sliding off your chairs at the thought of Justin Timberlake. Am I right?

I stumbled upon this lil vid-jo today. It’s a treat. Two white boys providing us with a three and a half minute montage of the most remarkable rap content of our generation.

What did I tell ya? Gold dust

These are the songs incorporated in the medley:
Sugar Hill Gang – Rapper’s Delight
Run DMC – Peter Piper
The Beastie Boys – Paul Revere
A Tribe Called Quest – Award Tour
Digital Undergound – Humpty Dance
Snoop Dogg – Nuthin’ but a ‘G’ Thang
2Pac feat. Dr. Dre and Roger Troutman – California Love
Jay-Z – A Dream
The Notorious BIG – Juicy
The Roots – The Seed (2.0)
Eminem – My Name Is
Missy Elliot – Work It
Soulja Boy – Crank That (Soulja Boy)
T.I. feat. Rhianna – Live Your Life
Kanye West feat. Jamie Foxx – Gold Digger
Jay-Z feat. Alicia Keys – Empire State of Mind
Rapper’s Delight reprise

Inception premiered on DSTV last night, and as a result, the questions are back on the tips of tongues around SA. Did the totem thingamajig continue spinning? Was it all just a dream?

Of course not. Leo was back in reality, he got to see his kids again and they all lived happily ever after.

Of all the posters and general silliness that spread around the innernet when the movie first hit cinemas around the world, this is by far my favourite.

Why the hell didn't Leo think of that?

One for both the Kia and Nokia fans out there

Cheeky

 [Thanks Garmanation]

Last July we worked with SAB and Black River FC to launch the #NoRegretFriday campaign. We built noregretfriday.co.za, as a place for people to share their stories of how they had been affected by alcohol.

We wanted it to be a community of peer to peer support where friends shared the dangers of drink driving, as opposed to messages coming from the brand ala Big Brother, trying to force feed corporate messages to you about how ‘booze is bad, mkay?’

Since today is No Regret Friday, check check check out the below timelapse from Rocking the Daisies, where online was linked with offline, a physical pledge wall was, er, erected and people could sign their names on it as a commitment to not drink and drive.

Capetonians love festivals more than irony. Naas lil track from Crash Car Burn in the background.

Have a kief weekend

Mwah!

Oh my shattered nerves. VW makes an ad with dogs barking the Imperial Death March, while dressed as Star Wars characters

Geeks around the world climax, simultaneously

I have a morbid fascination with tattoos, but have no desire to get inked. Some of them have the potential to look like poo, literally – here, but there are those that are so intricately detailed, and artistically constructed that I can spend hours check, check, checkin’ them out. Imma try something out here and post a weekly selection of awesome tats and since I’m finally making it my mission to complete Scar Tissue, Anthony Kiedis seemed like a great starting point. We have some local guys and gals with some epicfierce designs, so if you’re keen to submit pics of yours, drop me a line at mike dot sharm at gmail.com

Nipples Suitable For Work

#ThatHawkwardMoment

 

I'm so pretty...

 

And cue Red Hot Chili Peppers coming to South Africa.

And go!